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Talking it out

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Since I missed work yesterday, I’m making it up today. My Case Manager will be visiting me at work this afternoon. I plan on asking him to refer me to a new counselor. I’ve been through talk therapy with over half-a-dozen different counselors, but my wife wants me to try again. There are a lot of issues I haven’t fully faced yet. I have a lot of emotional baggage that I am dragging around that is contributing to my depressive mood. Like I’ve said, I’m trying to brute force my way out of this, but I’m not making a lot of progress. If you know of an LCSW in the Memphis, TN area that acts like R. Lee Ermey, please email me, my address is to the right.

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A good time was had by all

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I had to take off yesterday to take my wife to a doctors appointment because she can’t drive. So I was free when it was time for a MechWarrior tournament. So my son and I made it there early, and we discussed tactics and battle plans on the way down. Once there, we took our time picking our forces.

In most wargames, the only criteria is how many enemy units did you kill. I like MechWarrior because you have three Victory Conditions that you need to consider to win a battle. You need to consider:

  • Destruction of enemy units
  • Control of the battlefield
  • Deployment Zone control

Under certain conditions, you can wipe out every enemy unit and still lose. So you have to think smart, not just “Kill! Kill!! Kill!!!”

Any how, in my first game I was properly aggressive and handily won. I killed several units and didn’t lose any of my own. In my second game I had to go against my son. He played smart and he was winning toward the end of the game. In MechWarrior, under certain conditions you can damage your own unit. Well, those conditions came up and he accidentally killed one of his units. This put me ahead by one point and he ended up losing the game more than I won it. He was upset until I told him that he played an excellent game and it was one bad dice roll at the wrong time that cost him the game. I also told him I was proud of him for winning his first game and his excellent play of his second game. I was also proud of him not getting frustrated, which is something that can happen easily with him.

At the end of the night I ended up with the Champion prize. Even if my son won the game, I still would have ended up with it because he would have given it to me. There are different groups to collect in this game and this prize belongs to the group I collect.

I ended up having a good time last night. It gives me hope that my other days can be like this.

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Anti-Gun and Pro-Porn

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I happened across this article, Google Accepts Porn Ads but Refuses Those for Guns.

I was doing the Happy Dance last night because my blog showed up if you searched “Conservative Zone” on Google.

Then this came along. Google is well within their rights to refuse to do business with anyone, but I think it shows their values if they can advertise porn sites, but not a firearms dealer.

I’m just waiting for whatever justification they try, because any justification shows their hypocrisy. “For the Children” would be lovely. “We’re against advertising guns because of gun violence, but we’re for advertising porn sites that treat women as nothing more than sex objects” and all that.

In case you didn’t know, guns are a hot button topic for me. Maybe I’ll write it at length in a future post.

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My kind of Guy

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I’ve been wanting to talk about this person for a while, but I haven’t had the right words. Dave Ramsey is a financial planner who has a nationally syndicated radio show. If he isn’t on your local radio station, you can pick him up on the web for free, both the live broadcast and the archives.

I like Dave because he teaches good, Conservative values. Self-discipline. Get on a budget and out of debt. Become financially independent and invest in yourself to become rich. He is currently on a book tour, selling the Total Money Makeover, where he uses common sense, Grandma’s advice and the Scriptures to get you on a budget, out of debt and then rich.

He laughs with you, cries with you and offers advice that has helped thousands of people. He also has Financial Peace University where you can learn in a group directly from Dave the principals of his system.

I personally am out of debt, but I had to go through a bankruptcy to do it. Check him out, especially if you’re in debt. You’ll be glad you did.

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Hypocritical Press

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If you’ve noticed that a lot of my links point towards Fox News, this is the reason: Fair and Balanced?

I think it’s fair to call groping for what it is, wrong and unacceptable, when it involves a man named Schwarzenegger. What’s odd is ignoring Juanita Broderick’s allegations of something far more serious involving a man named Clinton.

When the press underreports or does not report at all on important stories and allegations simply because it’s against the people that they support, they wound us all. When the press fails to hold these peoples feet to the fire, they provide a disconnect between power and responsibility, accelerating the process of power corrupting the ones in power. As more and more abuses don’t get reported, each abuse of power becomes worse than the one before.

Of course, overreporting is also a failing of the press today as well. Giving a pass on people they like, exacerbating and extending coverage on non-issues on people they don’t like. They use their printing presses as a weapon when it suits them. It really is a sad state of affairs for the Fourth Estate.

UPDATE: I just found this article via Drudge: Why wasn’t Davis investigated too?

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Not the right kind of black

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This disgusts me. NAACP Wants Rush Fired, But Gave Lib Radio Racist a Pass shows exactly how hypocritical liberal organizations such as the NAACP really are.

Rush is getting raked over the coals for a comment that is easily verified by anybody who wants to look. Rush Limbaugh Was Right says it all.

But when Neil Rogers calls Condoleezza Rice everything but the N-word, the NAACP is quiet. Can it be because she’s not the right kind of black person? I mean, Condi got to where she is on her qualifications, rather than her skin color. She didn’t get to where she is by being a “token” anything. She didn’t need the NAACP to open any doors for her. Maybe that is what rankles the libs the most.

If the NAACP is not needed by blacks, then they are out of business. So the NAACP actually has a vested interest to make sure that as many blacks are dependent on them as possible while at the same time while supposedly “helping” them. The NAACP is doing more today to promote racial separation and divisiveness than they ever did to promote racial harmony.

Dr. King must be crying every day in heaven.

UPDATE: NewsMax releases this CBS article: CBS Says McNabb Tops ‘Overrated’ List

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Light-hearted Sunday fare

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Dennis Miller strikes again. Confounded by Chads? Don’t Vote! drives home the importance of voting smart.

Let me reiterate, if you’re such a complete zipper-head that you cannot maneuver your way around a chad, then guess what? I don’t want you to vote because you’ll vote stupid and I’m not talking about run of the mill stupidity here either. I’m talking about weapon-grade stupidity.

Fox News has a link about halfway down to see a video of this presentation. Watch it. It’s funny in that Miller style.

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Depression is a thief

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I have been an enthusiastic player of wargames for years. I would spend hours pouring over the statistics and charts of weapon systems, studying how they would interact with other systems, devising tactics and counter tactics. And I was good. In some games I was almost unbeatable.

Even with MechWarrior, before a match I would invest 2-3 hours in developing several battle forces, analyzing each force for strengths and weaknesses. Last night, I was ready to skip the entire thing. I just didn’t feel up to it. But my son looks forward to these events, so I picked him up and off we went. I just threw a force together and lost both games. Even when I was winning, my failure to properly use my forces led to my losing more than my opponent actually defeating me.

Depression steals enjoyment. Even the things that you love to do becomes too much of a bother to actually expend the effort. You would rather spend time staring at a blank wall for hours than doing constructive things. The depression makes you sad. Your inability to do things you once loved compounds the situation, heaping sadness upon sadness. All you can dwell on is the sadness, so anything you can do to get away from the sadness is the best you can hope for.

I have to brute force my way out of my sickness like John Nash (A Beautiful Mind ). I have tried about three-quarters of the anti-depressants currently on the market, and they have either drove me into a manic frenzy, done nothing or given me severe side-effects. I am documenting my struggles not only to provide insight to you, my readers, but to help me combat this thief.

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Slipping A Bit

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I think I’m down to a 6 on the depression scale. Things seem just a little greyer lately. Yesterday, I was actually awake at 7:45 in the morning, but I couldn’t get out until 9:30. I remember being a hard charger. While I didn’t leap out of bed, I made it out in good order, got ready and got to work. Yesterday I might as well been trying to move a mountain with a teaspoon. To lie there, helpless, makes me angry. But it wasn’t enough to get me going.

Another thing is food. I no longer enjoy eating. To me, food is simply fuel to keep me going. I don’t enjoy the taste, I don’t savor the company if I am out eating with my family or friends, as long as it isn’t nasty, it’s just “okay.” I have all of the excitement of eating as I do taking a dump. They are both the same to me, merely something that must be done.

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Tree Huggers

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Talk about timing. Less than a minute after my last post, I found this story, Everglades Cleanup Exposes Environmentalists.

One thing’s for sure. The Everglades controversy is a great showcase for the eco-activists’ insincerity and unreasonableness.

This just goes to show you. It sounds like to me that the level of run-off and the timetables were pretty much pulled out of a hat. It also shows that the eco’s target is not to clean the water, but to unreasonably curtail the runoff in the first place.

I lost the link, but a related story said that we have to double our farm output in the next 30 years or so to take care of the world’s exploding population. That means we are going to have to accept the possibility of some environmental damage to related lands. But when there are ways like this that can handle the run-off and side effects, we ought to applaud their achievement and ingenuity, not scrap our present farming practices and lose years of progress into more efficient farming.

Wildlife areas left to themselves are not balanced. They need some kind of maintenance. Look at our great forests out west. By correctly managing them, wildlife populations are controlled, underbrush is cut back and in case of fire, the fire is easily controlled. By not managing them, animals such as deer go through periods of population explosions, followed by periods of famine and/or encroachment into suburbs and cities. Wildfires take thousands of acres and hundreds of homes.

The greatest conservators of wildlife and their habitats are hunters and fishermen. The money raised from their licenses helps maintain wetlands, rivers and wildlife preserves. Their hunting keeps the population under control and is a humane way to cull the herds. It is in the hunters best interest to keep the forest in good shape, the herds in good health, and they quietly do the job.

The eco-terrorists on the other hand, have only personal and political power as their goals. They do not see progress by Man as a good thing. Of course, they need their SUV’s, but nobody else should have them. They do not care if a tenth of the local large animal population starves to death over the winter instead of humanely culled, they want nature to be “pristine” and “unspoiled by man.” They are driven by their own neurosis to do unreasonable things and despised acts.

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Outage Problems

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My cable access had a major problem today. My cable modem kept resetting, so I took it to the local office and had it swapped. After that, the new one wouldn’t initialize properly. By the time that got straightened out, I had a total service outage. Once the connection finally came up, I was backlogged so that only now do I have the time to get to cruising the news sites. Not much time left, I have to take my son to our weekly MechWarrior tournament where we beat the snot out of each other.

I also have to go into work early tomorrow, so no morning posting. I will be off early so look forward on some insightful commentary Friday night.

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Personal stuff

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I haven’t written any personal stuff over the past couple of days because I haven’t been up to it. I’ve been trying to fight the depression and I have slipped back somewhat. While I did get up at 8:30 this morning without a problem, today was the exception. Monday night was particularly rough. I hit a low that I haven’t hit in a while that night, followed by having to get up early for work. I was not at my best yesterday.

Right now I’m just perusing until my Case Manager arrives, then I have some family time planned.

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