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Not doing well

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Things haven’t been working out too well over the past 24 hours. I visited my family yesterday afternoon to deliver some prescriptions and I couldn’t get into the mood. You know, the one where you enjoy yourself in the company of those that you love. I actually went back to my apartment early and didn’t make it to a MechWarrior tournament because something wasn’t right with me.

Today was worse. Between picking up a couple of new people that live in the extreme corner of the county, and the office calling every 10 minutes to make sure I was picking up somebody or another, my first load ended up an hour long. Then a quick second load from the list the other driver normally gets (he’s been out sick for the past two weeks). During the quick one hour I spent at the center, I spent most of it banging my head into hard things.

I bang my head because I am frustrated and there is no other way to express it. I bang my head because something isn’t working right and I’m trying to find the restart button. There are times I can feel my brain undulating because it wants to explode and I must expose my brain to the air so it can explode. There is some thought or concept in my brain that I must let out at all cost. I don’t know what it is, but I have to get it out, no matter what.

Considering how well I’ve done over the past 24 hours and the fact that I would be working alone tomorrow, I decided to call in sick ahead of time. Can you blame me?

Please excuse me while I crawl into the closet and scream for a while.

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What Liberals think

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I just found this on Right Wing News, The Democratic Underground Post Of The Day: We’re Geniuses, You’re Stupid!

It’s too late to offer my usual insightful commentary, but I offer you this quote:

#1 – I would dare to assume that most of us here are in the upper 1%-20% of the population intelligence-wise. We must come to the realization that the majority of the population is in the lower 80% to 99% percent of the bell-curve. WE are not the norm. The Republicans understand that the average American is not very bright. They cater and pander to the masses. The Democratic Party tries to appeal to the population about “issues” that these people just don’t understand.

Yeah, that’s all that the Democratic Presidential candidates have been talking about, issues. They haven’t been mercilessly slamming President Bush and his policies without offering one iota of their own ideas other than, “I wouldn’t have done it THAT way!”

Like I said earlier, meaningful compromise is impossible with people who believe like that.

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Duct Tape Alert

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I first heard about a DTA from Glenn Beck. He warns his listeners to “Wrap your head in duct tape. That way when your head explodes over this, you will be able to find all of the pieces.”

This is one of those moments.

I just found this article, Group Calls for De-Legalization of Marriage and knew from the title that this was a DTA.

Marriage and children are given their advantages because that is what the government wants you to do. Get married and have a bunch of kids. Raise them as part of a nuclear family to raise the population and you get rewarded with the tax breaks and other incentives.

To eliminate the advantages of marriage will devastate everything associated with it, with no possibility of any advantages. This is a concerted effort to destroy the nuclear family. Study after study have proven that children do better in a two-parent household. The best possible situation is to have one parent at home with the children (i.e. stay-at-home/home office parent).

I am not in favor of gay marriage, but I am also against a Constitutional Amendment favoring heterosexual marriage. An amendment would be swatting flies with a sledge hammer and should not be used for such purposes. The last attempt at such Constitutional social engineering was Prohibition. I am against gay marriage solely because they cannot produce children by themselves. As far as infertile heterosexual couples go, they have a distinct medical reason, not from a lack of trying.

I want to make this clear: I have no problems with homosexuals. I believe they have as much choice to be homosexual as I have to be heterosexual. I commend them if they are in a committed life-long relationship. But marriage is something that is not in the cards if you are homosexual, just like due to my life circumstances I can never own a firearm ever again. If they want to work at a company that recognizes same-sex life partners, go for it! I am not happy with the decision and I have no alternatives, but kids and marriage is out of the question. Sorry.

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Liberals

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I read Steven Den Beste at USS Clueless every day. I came across this scathing analysis of Liberals in his log entry Democratic Contradictions.

Of course, if everyone in the world embraced the Tranzi vision, the process of establishing that utopia would be very straightforward. But it’s not to be expected that this take place, and the Tranzis understand that the majority of the human race will resist it to the end, for a wide variety of reasons all of which are fundamentally wrong. Those who would oppose it are unwise, unenlightened, indoctrinated, deceived, dogmatic; but they cannot be reached intellectually, so it’s necessary to force it onto them. Once it’s in place, they’ll come to realize that they were wrong and will accept it and even support it, but there’s no way to convince them of that before the fact.

It chills me to the core that such people exist. Not the Transnational Progressivism, you can combat that every day with clear, logical arguments and pointing out their hyprocracy. No, what scares me is a group of people who have no morals whatsoever and are willing to violate anything to achieve their ends, because the Liberals/Tranzis think their idea is what everybody should live under, not caring that the people don’t want to.

On a lot of levels, Liberals are the same as any dictator. They work within the system until they achieve power, then ruthlessly crush any opposition and then do whatever they want.

These people must be vehemently opposed and ideologically destroyed. You can’t negotiate with them, you can’t compromise or reach a consensus. You must go after them like Reagan did, not stopping until they are totally defeated. Expose their nonsense, lies and hypocrisy for what they are and defeat them utterly.

Because they are trying to do the same to us. Every time they can get us to compromise, they win and we lose. Because they will come back and want you to compromise and give ground again, just because you did it the last time.

There can only be victory, as the alternative is too horrific to consider.

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Talking it out

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Since I missed work yesterday, I’m making it up today. My Case Manager will be visiting me at work this afternoon. I plan on asking him to refer me to a new counselor. I’ve been through talk therapy with over half-a-dozen different counselors, but my wife wants me to try again. There are a lot of issues I haven’t fully faced yet. I have a lot of emotional baggage that I am dragging around that is contributing to my depressive mood. Like I’ve said, I’m trying to brute force my way out of this, but I’m not making a lot of progress. If you know of an LCSW in the Memphis, TN area that acts like R. Lee Ermey, please email me, my address is to the right.

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A good time was had by all

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I had to take off yesterday to take my wife to a doctors appointment because she can’t drive. So I was free when it was time for a MechWarrior tournament. So my son and I made it there early, and we discussed tactics and battle plans on the way down. Once there, we took our time picking our forces.

In most wargames, the only criteria is how many enemy units did you kill. I like MechWarrior because you have three Victory Conditions that you need to consider to win a battle. You need to consider:

  • Destruction of enemy units
  • Control of the battlefield
  • Deployment Zone control

Under certain conditions, you can wipe out every enemy unit and still lose. So you have to think smart, not just “Kill! Kill!! Kill!!!”

Any how, in my first game I was properly aggressive and handily won. I killed several units and didn’t lose any of my own. In my second game I had to go against my son. He played smart and he was winning toward the end of the game. In MechWarrior, under certain conditions you can damage your own unit. Well, those conditions came up and he accidentally killed one of his units. This put me ahead by one point and he ended up losing the game more than I won it. He was upset until I told him that he played an excellent game and it was one bad dice roll at the wrong time that cost him the game. I also told him I was proud of him for winning his first game and his excellent play of his second game. I was also proud of him not getting frustrated, which is something that can happen easily with him.

At the end of the night I ended up with the Champion prize. Even if my son won the game, I still would have ended up with it because he would have given it to me. There are different groups to collect in this game and this prize belongs to the group I collect.

I ended up having a good time last night. It gives me hope that my other days can be like this.

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Anti-Gun and Pro-Porn

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I happened across this article, Google Accepts Porn Ads but Refuses Those for Guns.

I was doing the Happy Dance last night because my blog showed up if you searched “Conservative Zone” on Google.

Then this came along. Google is well within their rights to refuse to do business with anyone, but I think it shows their values if they can advertise porn sites, but not a firearms dealer.

I’m just waiting for whatever justification they try, because any justification shows their hypocrisy. “For the Children” would be lovely. “We’re against advertising guns because of gun violence, but we’re for advertising porn sites that treat women as nothing more than sex objects” and all that.

In case you didn’t know, guns are a hot button topic for me. Maybe I’ll write it at length in a future post.

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My kind of Guy

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I’ve been wanting to talk about this person for a while, but I haven’t had the right words. Dave Ramsey is a financial planner who has a nationally syndicated radio show. If he isn’t on your local radio station, you can pick him up on the web for free, both the live broadcast and the archives.

I like Dave because he teaches good, Conservative values. Self-discipline. Get on a budget and out of debt. Become financially independent and invest in yourself to become rich. He is currently on a book tour, selling the Total Money Makeover, where he uses common sense, Grandma’s advice and the Scriptures to get you on a budget, out of debt and then rich.

He laughs with you, cries with you and offers advice that has helped thousands of people. He also has Financial Peace University where you can learn in a group directly from Dave the principals of his system.

I personally am out of debt, but I had to go through a bankruptcy to do it. Check him out, especially if you’re in debt. You’ll be glad you did.

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Hypocritical Press

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If you’ve noticed that a lot of my links point towards Fox News, this is the reason: Fair and Balanced?

I think it’s fair to call groping for what it is, wrong and unacceptable, when it involves a man named Schwarzenegger. What’s odd is ignoring Juanita Broderick’s allegations of something far more serious involving a man named Clinton.

When the press underreports or does not report at all on important stories and allegations simply because it’s against the people that they support, they wound us all. When the press fails to hold these peoples feet to the fire, they provide a disconnect between power and responsibility, accelerating the process of power corrupting the ones in power. As more and more abuses don’t get reported, each abuse of power becomes worse than the one before.

Of course, overreporting is also a failing of the press today as well. Giving a pass on people they like, exacerbating and extending coverage on non-issues on people they don’t like. They use their printing presses as a weapon when it suits them. It really is a sad state of affairs for the Fourth Estate.

UPDATE: I just found this article via Drudge: Why wasn’t Davis investigated too?

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Not the right kind of black

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This disgusts me. NAACP Wants Rush Fired, But Gave Lib Radio Racist a Pass shows exactly how hypocritical liberal organizations such as the NAACP really are.

Rush is getting raked over the coals for a comment that is easily verified by anybody who wants to look. Rush Limbaugh Was Right says it all.

But when Neil Rogers calls Condoleezza Rice everything but the N-word, the NAACP is quiet. Can it be because she’s not the right kind of black person? I mean, Condi got to where she is on her qualifications, rather than her skin color. She didn’t get to where she is by being a “token” anything. She didn’t need the NAACP to open any doors for her. Maybe that is what rankles the libs the most.

If the NAACP is not needed by blacks, then they are out of business. So the NAACP actually has a vested interest to make sure that as many blacks are dependent on them as possible while at the same time while supposedly “helping” them. The NAACP is doing more today to promote racial separation and divisiveness than they ever did to promote racial harmony.

Dr. King must be crying every day in heaven.

UPDATE: NewsMax releases this CBS article: CBS Says McNabb Tops ‘Overrated’ List

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Light-hearted Sunday fare

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Dennis Miller strikes again. Confounded by Chads? Don’t Vote! drives home the importance of voting smart.

Let me reiterate, if you’re such a complete zipper-head that you cannot maneuver your way around a chad, then guess what? I don’t want you to vote because you’ll vote stupid and I’m not talking about run of the mill stupidity here either. I’m talking about weapon-grade stupidity.

Fox News has a link about halfway down to see a video of this presentation. Watch it. It’s funny in that Miller style.

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Depression is a thief

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I have been an enthusiastic player of wargames for years. I would spend hours pouring over the statistics and charts of weapon systems, studying how they would interact with other systems, devising tactics and counter tactics. And I was good. In some games I was almost unbeatable.

Even with MechWarrior, before a match I would invest 2-3 hours in developing several battle forces, analyzing each force for strengths and weaknesses. Last night, I was ready to skip the entire thing. I just didn’t feel up to it. But my son looks forward to these events, so I picked him up and off we went. I just threw a force together and lost both games. Even when I was winning, my failure to properly use my forces led to my losing more than my opponent actually defeating me.

Depression steals enjoyment. Even the things that you love to do becomes too much of a bother to actually expend the effort. You would rather spend time staring at a blank wall for hours than doing constructive things. The depression makes you sad. Your inability to do things you once loved compounds the situation, heaping sadness upon sadness. All you can dwell on is the sadness, so anything you can do to get away from the sadness is the best you can hope for.

I have to brute force my way out of my sickness like John Nash (A Beautiful Mind ). I have tried about three-quarters of the anti-depressants currently on the market, and they have either drove me into a manic frenzy, done nothing or given me severe side-effects. I am documenting my struggles not only to provide insight to you, my readers, but to help me combat this thief.

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Slipping A Bit

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I think I’m down to a 6 on the depression scale. Things seem just a little greyer lately. Yesterday, I was actually awake at 7:45 in the morning, but I couldn’t get out until 9:30. I remember being a hard charger. While I didn’t leap out of bed, I made it out in good order, got ready and got to work. Yesterday I might as well been trying to move a mountain with a teaspoon. To lie there, helpless, makes me angry. But it wasn’t enough to get me going.

Another thing is food. I no longer enjoy eating. To me, food is simply fuel to keep me going. I don’t enjoy the taste, I don’t savor the company if I am out eating with my family or friends, as long as it isn’t nasty, it’s just “okay.” I have all of the excitement of eating as I do taking a dump. They are both the same to me, merely something that must be done.

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