me

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This chronicle is here to show what I have been through. I hope to inspire someone who might be experiencing something similar, to never give up. I survived this, you can as well.

 

My mental health journey started about 2:34pm, on February 3rd, 1999. I'm not 100% sure, I was in no position or condition to take notes.

In December 1998, I had quit my job as a CIO (Chief Information Officer) due to job stress. I was stressed beyond relief for a variety of reasons, including siloing and a toxic work environment. I saw a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with "Adult ADD." I was prescribed a medication and I was told I would "be fine." About a week into taking the medication, I started having side effects, like uncontrollable jaw clenching and I was unable to shape my tongue to speak. Then the bad stuff started.

At the date and time above, I experienced a depressive swing. I was hit with a massive wave of negative emotions. Words cannot convey the magnitude of that wave. I felt scared, alone, a failure.

I wanted to die.

I crawled into my hall closet where it was dark and quiet. I then started to cry, bang my head on the wall and scream like I was being tortured. In a sense, I was being tortured. I spent most of 1999 in that closet. Any little thing could send me in there for hours.

[To Be Continued]